i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
