I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
