Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
