We're like a lot better than the average bears
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bring me that man meat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
