You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
