i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
