I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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