she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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