If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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