I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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