She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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