I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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