I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
