i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
