so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
