It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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