Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
