Christians are straight up FREAKS
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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