His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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