I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
