oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
