Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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