What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
