Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
