3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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