Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
