If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
