It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
