My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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