I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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