I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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