My nipple is on Facebook.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she told me i tasted like america
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize