I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
