I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
