last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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