After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
