He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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