How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
