God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
where does the pee come out of this thing
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
