just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
