from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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