I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
