just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
