Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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