I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
