3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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