I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
