People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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