Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
