Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
