I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
