New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
