and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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