Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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