Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
