I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Panties = found
Randomize
