you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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