We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
