you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
