my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
