New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
