I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
