it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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