Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
