just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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