The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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