I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Are my feet made of real feet?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
