There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My dad is sitting where you rode me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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