my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize