I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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